


The Poisonwood Bible

by KatsukiSin



Series: Blank Pages, Waiting to Be Filled [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: But that's ok cuz Cas doesn't know anything about Human Culture, Castiel & Sam Winchester Bonding, Castiel and Heaven, Castiel reads The Poisonwood Bible, Feminism, Gen, Gender Identity, Sam doesn't know anything about Angel Culture, Sexism, The Poisonwood Bible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:46:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26332111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatsukiSin/pseuds/KatsukiSin
Summary: Castiel turns to Sam when he doesn't understand a quote in The Poisonwood Bible. The quote sparks a larger conversation about gender identity, sexism, and (later) Castiel's relations with Heaven and humanity.Basically, a Sam and Cas bonding story.
Relationships: Castiel & Sam Winchester
Series: Blank Pages, Waiting to Be Filled [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005186
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	1. The Quote

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the first part of this so that it could be easily read as a stand-alone one-shot without having read The Poisonwood Bible. 
> 
> The second part, however, heavily analyzes parts of Kingsolver's novel, and likely won't make sense without having read it.

“Sam?”

The hunter looked up from his laptop, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Sam raised his eyebrows as he saw Castiel before him, holding a book in his hand and a perturbed frown on his face. “Yeah, Cas?” Sam glanced briefly back to the laptop, hoping that Cas’ issue would be simple so he could return to researching for their next case.

“You went to college, correct?”

Sam blinked, caught off guard by the question. “Uh, yeah. I, uh, I went to Stanford, actually.”

Cas nodded. “Did you regret it?”

“What?” Sam scoffed. “Of course not.” Sam paused, thinking, then continued. “I mean, I went to college to be a lawyer, and that didn’t end up working out, obviously. But I learned a lot at college, and I met some really great people. There’s not a lot out there that I would give up those college experiences for, ya know? So I don’t regret it. Why do you ask?”

“But was college particularly difficult?” Cas asked, meeting Sam’s eyes. “I’m trying to understand.”

Sam closed his laptop and pushed it away; this was likely going to take a while, especially if Castiel kept giving such vague, cryptic responses. “Understand what?”

“In what way are women like shoes?”

“I’m sorry?” Sam laughed at the absurdity of the question.

Castiel sighed. “A character of this book, he says that women are like wet shoes if they go to college, but I cannot understand the correlation. I thought, as someone who has actively gone to college, perhaps you might be able to facilitate the thought process for me.”

“Here,” Sam held out his hand. “Give me the book, and I’ll read the quote. Maybe there’s just some slang you don’t understand yet.”

The angel held the book tightly for a second, looking between it and Sam. He looked almost… defensive? Or maybe he was being protective; it was hard to tell with Cas, sometimes. Either way, why would Castiel be so worried about a book?

Castiel opened the book, pointed at a section, then lay it on the table next to Sam.

“‘ _ The Poisonwood Bible _ ,’” Sam read the title at the top of the page. “Never heard of it.”

Sam narrowed his eyes as Cas relaxed slightly, but decided to ignore it for now. Instead, he focused on the passage Castiel had pointed out.

_ On first hearing Miss Leep’s news he merely rolled his eyes, as if two dogs in his yard had reportedly been caught whistling “Dixie.” He warned Mother not to flout God’s Will by expecting too much for us. “Sending a girl to college is like pouring water in your shoes,” he still loves to say, as often as possible. “It’s hard to say which is worse, seeing it run out and waste the water, or seeing it hold in and wreck the shoes.” _

“Oh, God…” Sam muttered, running his hands down his face in pure embarrassment. 

“Sam?” Cas asked, concerned.

“Ok…” Sam started. “There’s kind of a lot to unpack here. You might want to sit down.”

Castiel huffed, but sat next to the hunter, looking frustrated and eager and expectant.

“You know what sexism is, right?”

Cas opened his mouth, then closed it. “I assume it refers to when someone looks ‘sexy?’”

“God, no,” Sam cringed. “You need to spend less time around Dean. Sexism is… it’s when one gender, or sex, is held inferior to another. Usually women are the victims of sexism, because a lot of men think of themselves as inherently better- stronger, smarter, more efficient, stuff like that.”

“Different people are better equipped to handle different situations,” Cas tilted his head to the side with a frown. “Is there truly any one person who is inherently better than others, let alone groups of peoples better than others?”

“That’s not incorrect exactly, but you’re still feeding into the idea that all women are less capable than men by suggesting that. It’s hard to explain, especially since I don’t face the struggles that women do-”

“Despite your long hair?”

Sam groaned. “But you get the gist of it, right?”

There was a long pause as Cas considered the information. “I’ve taken a female vessel myself many times, as well as male vessels. I’ve never cared much about the physical distinctions between the sexes, but as a woman, I’ve noticed that my reception is less… positive, and that people are more surprised, or even offended by my abilities and accomplishments.”

“You- You’ve taken female vessels before?” Sam supposed that made sense; after all, he had seen demons and angels switch between male and female vessels before. Like Raphael, for instance. Castiel was an angel, so he would be able to assume other forms as well. It was just… this was  _ Cas _ . It was easy to forget he was an angel, that he was something  _ other  _ at times, and not just their socially awkward friend.

“Well, yes. You were there when I temporarily possessed Claire Novak, for instance.”

“Right. I guess I forgot. It’s weird, thinking of you as something that can just… change your shape. You’ve only ever looked like this, you know?”

Cas narrowed his eyes at the hunter. “I don’t change shapes, I merely assume an earthly form. I borrow a human’s body, typically. Because I’m not human. I’m an angel, Sam.”

“Right,” Sam looked down, feeling ashamed for some reason. “Right. Sorry.”

“You haven’t explained what sexism has to do with women being shoes while in college.”

“The passage isn’t saying that women are shoes, Cas; it’s a simile. A simile is-”

“A direct comparison between two articles, often used as a literary technique. I have some knowledge of the mechanics of the English language, you know.”

Sam chuckled. “You know what a simile is, but not how to identify one, apparently.”

Castiel crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. “Are you going to teach me, or insult me.”

Raising his arms in a surrender, Sam continued. “This guy is just being sexist. He’s just trying to convince whoever’s listening that sending a woman to school is a destructive waste, like pouring water into your shoes.”

“I  _ understand _ that he’s saying that. What I don’t understand is,  _ why? _ ” Cas asked in a frustrated voice, almost a sneer. “Why college is a waste for females, and why is it destructive?”

“It’s not, Cas. It’s not. But some people, they just- they just do whatever it takes to make themselves feel important, even if it means making others feel worthless. Whoever this sexist jerk of a character is, he’s saying that women aren’t intellectually capable of being in college because he’s probably just projecting his problems onto women. There’s no logic behind it whatsoever, and it’s not true. A lot of people don’t understand the sexist line of thinking, and that’s not a bad thing, trust me.”

Cas slid  _ The Poisonwood Bible _ back to himself and stared at the passage for a few moments. “There are no sexes among angels,” he said softly. “And so, there’s no sexism. There are other prejudices in Heaven, though, that never made sense to me. I suppose this is just another absurd bias that I will never comprehend.”

“There’s a lot of subtleties among cultures that are hard to understand when you weren’t raised into them.” Sam put his hand on Castiel’s shoulder, successfully drawing the angel’s attention. “I never really thought about how frustrating it would be to identify them, especially since you don’t know what you’re looking for. But, me and Dean, we’re here to help you. You’re not alone, Cas, okay?”

“Thank you, Sam. I appreciate your efforts.” 

Sam smiled at him, and the two sat contently, quiet and contemplating, before Sam realized something.

“Do angels have genders?”

“Not necessarily. As I said, angels are sexless, although we have gotten into the habit of expressing gender identities, especially while in vessels.” Cas looked at Sam curiously. “It makes communicating with humans less laborious.”

“So, you don’t identify as male?” What if he and Dean had misgendered their friend for the years they had known each other? Admittedly, Sam hardly knew anything about the transgender community, but he did know that making someone dysphoric by using the wrong pronouns was something that he did not want to do. 

“No. But neither do I identify as female. I exist outside of your gender binary, but that concept is hard for most humans to accept, and using the gender identity of whatever vessel I happen to be using at the time is of no inconvenience for me.” Castiel watched Sam cautiously as he spoke, as though expecting Sam to get upset at his words. 

Sam hated that Cas could look at him like that. Sure, a change of gender identity would be a big change, but it wasn’t like Sam was transphobic. Although, would Castiel even know about the word transphobic? Cas had no idea about the queer rights movement, or the effort that had gone into normalizing sexualities and gender identities. Sam even knew a word for the kind of gender identity that Cas was describing: non-binary. 

“If it makes you uncomfortable, there are other options for you, though. Instead of using he/him, you could use they/them, or even some of the other gender-neutral pronouns, and it wouldn’t really bother-”

“Sam,” Castiel said firmly. Looking Sam directly in his hazel eyes, the angel continued: “I don’t mind one way or the other. I’m not confined to any sort of gender ideas, but I understand that it is not the same for humans. You could use any pronouns for me that you wanted, but they would not be any more or less accurate than any other set of pronouns. You don’t have to change a part of your life to accommodate for a concern that does not exist. Continue thinking of me as male if you’d like, or don’t.”

Sam gave Cas a tentative smile. “It looks like I have just as much to learn about angel culture as you do about humans, huh?”

Castiel huffed out an amused breath. “It would appear that you do. But keep in mind, you’re not alone in it, Sam.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Novel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I was gonna write a rough draft of part two, then spend time rewriting and editing it, but... it took me longer than I thought to write this, so I decided to just post the rough draft now. Maybe I'll eventually get around to editing, but don't count on it lol. Hope you enjoy reading!

Sam was on his laptop, with papers strewn haphazardly around him. Normally, when he was researching, he sat in the library as he analyzed potential cases for hunts. Today, he was sitting on his bed with his door firmly closed. 

Today, he was researching _The Poisonwood Bible._

He just wanted to know why Castiel would be so apprehensive about showing him the book. Sam planned to discuss that with the angel, but he didn’t want to start that conversation without first having some idea of what he was getting into.

So far, Sam had gathered that the book was about a Christian zealot who forced his family to move to Africa in the 1960s. _The Poisonwood Bible_ was told through the perspectives of the women in the Price family. The author of the book, Barbara Kingsolver, had written it based on her childhood memories of the Congo. The novel was meant to address capitalism, responses to guilt, and the shortcomings of religion.

This last part interested Sam the most. It made sense that an angel of the Lord would be unwilling to express interest in a book with anti-religious themes. Although Castiel had renounced Heaven-- he’d Fallen, killed other angels, rejected destiny and the divine plan-- Sam figured he could understand where the guy was coming from. After millennia of having an oppressive Heaven manipulating every action he took, Castiel had likely gotten used to hiding his Heaven-related opinions.

The Winchester brothers weren't exactly known for their emotional aptitude, but it bothered Sam that Cas felt the need to hide his feelings from them. For one thing, Sam and Dean weren't anything like Heaven. For another, every time Castiel had attempted to hide something in the past, it had never ended well. Who's to say that, if gone unaddressed, this wouldn't end the same?

…

Sam was cooling off in his room, just done with his work out in the training room, when a knock came from the door. 

"Come in!" 

The hunter wasn't surprised to see Cas enter the room. Castiel's knocks were always rhythmic and awkward, like he wasn't sure if he should be knocking at all and so was trying to be as polite and objective as possible to avoid a faux pas. Dean, on the other hand, had gotten into the habit of walking into Sam's room without knocking, or else just yelling at him through the door.

“Dean wanted me to inform you that he is making hamburgers for dinner, ‘without any of that rabbit food crap.’” Cas informed him with a sympathetic gaze.

Sam laughed. “Dean needs to stop being such a sore loser. I won that bet fair and square.”

Team Free Will had gotten back from a hunt the day before. Vampires living above a bookstore in Forks, Washington. Dean had snickered, saying that he bet that the vampires were all Edward Cullen wannabes. Sam had taken him up on that bet, and had won a pie from it. A pie that Dean had had to buy for him, and watch Sam eat without sharing. Safe to say, Dean was still pissed off about that. Dean was so pissed off about it that he had elected to give Sam the silent treatment, meaning Castiel had to play messenger for the elder Winchester.

“Unfortunately, I believe we may be stuck with the sore-loser trait. It might be in all of our best interests if you refrained from antagonizing your brother, Sam.”

“That’s never going to happen,” Sam snorted. If Dean was going to torture him non-stop over stupid things, then Sam reserved the right to do the same. 

Castiel sighed. “I was afraid you would say that.”

“Siblings,” Sam shrugged. “You know how it is.”

The angel gave Sam an unreadable expression at that, but there was silence between them as Cas stood in the doorway with one hand on the doorknob.

“Well,” Castiel said, clearing his throat awkwardly, and turning to leave. “I’ll be on my way, then.”

“Actually, Cas,” Sam said quickly, and the angel turned back. “I was hoping we could talk?”

Cas closed the door and stepped toward the hunter with accusing eyes. “What did you do?”

“It’s not like that. It’s not an avoid-the-apocalypse talk, just a talk between friends.” 

Sam sat down on his bed, gesturing for Cas to take the nearby chair at his desk.

Castiel hesitantly complied. “I find that, when it comes to the two of you Winchesters, it is always ‘like that.’”

“Usually you’d be right, but not this time.” Sam wished Castiel would stop looking him up and down, like the angel expected to find some sign of impending doom in his features. It reminded the hunter of how Cas had looked at him when he’d been on demon blood. That wasn’t a time in his life that he liked revisiting. 

Ignoring the skepticism emanating from the angel, Sam continued: “What was the name of that book that you asked me about a week ago? It had that sexist comment in it, about women going to college?”

Sam had decided not to let on that he had researched _The Poisonwood Bible_ , as he wasn’t sure how Cas would react to that. It might be easier for Cas to open up about it if he thought the hunter was ignorant in regards to the topic.

Cas paused, obviously caught off guard at the question. “It was called _The Poisonwood Bible_. By Barbara Kingsolver.”

“Did you enjoy it?” Sam asked amiably.

Castiel leaned back in his seat, away from Sam. “I did find it enjoyable, yes.”

“Maybe you had a favourite character?” Sam pressed after Cas failed to elaborate. 

“There were a few characters I was fond of…” Castiel paused for so long that Sam wondered if attempting this conversation had been a mistake. He was just about to apologize for bothering the angel when Cas continued: “I suppose if I had to choose, my favorites would be the twins. Leah and Adah.”

Sam’s brows furrowed at the response. Leah made sense-- her character had been desperate for her godly father’s approval throughout the story, vainly conforming to his ideals in the hope that he would finally be proud of her. Throughout the years, Castiel’s faith in God, his Father, had slowly dwindled, but Sam figured the angel would be able to see himself in a character like Leah. Adah, though? Sam admittedly knew less about this character, but he knew that Adah had a disability, hemiplegia; she liked palindromes; and she felt like the world owed her. That... that didn’t seem like Cas at all. What did he see in her, then?

Cas glared at Sam’s furrowed brow. “Why? What does all of this mean to you, Sam?”

Sam started to say something but hesitated. Was he just irrationally fixated on a hunch, like he so often did? Or was there something more to this? Something deeper? “I just… I just want to know more about you, Cas.”

Cas sighed. He gave Sam a look, tired and weary, like he was hoping he wouldn't see something treacherous just under the surface. The angel leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees in a more attentive pose. “What do you want to know?” The voice had a tone of reluctance in it.

Such an easy question to answer, in theory. But, now that he thought about it, Sam didn’t know what he didn't know about Cas. Castiel was such a broad, unknown topic that he wasn’t sure where to start learning and questioning. It reminded him of learning Algebra in high school, when a teacher would show the class an example problem and Sam would be confused without knowing what, exactly, he didn’t understand about the problem. Sam bit his lip as he speculated, before looking up to meet Castiel’s patient gaze. “Well… Why are Leah and Adah your favourite characters?”

The angel hummed in thought. “They remind me of myself. I find that you tend to root for characters like that. I suppose you want to know how they remind me of myself?”

Sam nodded eagerly. 

“Leah and Adah’s father was a preacher. Not the same thing as God, of course, but you can see the potential comparison there. Leah Price spent years trying to get her father, who encompassed all things good to her, to so much as notice her. She fought so hard for a sign that he cared about her, yet she never really got one. It’s not dissimilar to how I’ve felt, trying to contact God all this time.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam said softly. He knew what it was like, not being good enough for your father. He knew how much it hurt.

Cas gave Sam a small smile, like Sam was the one who needed comfort. Then he carried on: “Adah is a bit harder to explain. She has this condition, where half of her body drags behind her, paralyzed. I believe you would call it hemiplegia. The way she thinks, the way her mind physically works, it’s as though she’s thinking backwards.”

Cas hesitated, taking a deep breath. “A lot of my brethren… they would say that I think backwards, too. That… That siding with humans, seeing the good in them, that that makes me backwards. Wrong. And ever since I Fell, my wings, they… you could call me disabled, as well.” 

“What do you mean, disabled?” Sam asked, quietly, in horror. Sam had known that Castiel had lost the ability to fly, but he had never stopped to consider how or why or what that meant for the angel, physically speaking. Sam often completely forgot that Castiel had wings in the first place. 

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Cas said stiffly. “Another day, please.”

Sam didn’t want to let the topic go-- what if Cas was in pain? How long had he been like this? What could they do to help? But there was this look in Castiel’s eyes, a blankness that suggested the topic was too terrible to even think about. Sam didn’t want to risk overwhelming his friend. He wouldn’t forget about Castiel’s wings, no, but he could tell that continuing to press the angel on the subject would risk the fragile atmosphere that had been crafted around them. “Alright, Cas.” 

“Leah and Adah are my favorite characters. That’s not to say that I disliked the rest, though. I found Ruth May’s natural leadership and congeniality to be charming. Orleanna Price…” Castiel hesitated, looking like he was on the verge of saying something before changing his mind. “...I find myself being sympathetic towards her. She wasn’t… perfect, but she did the best she could, in her circumstances. There were a number of minor characters I was fond of, but I won’t bore you with those details. I did find Rachel and Nathan Price to be… highly disagreeable, to say the least.”

“So the characters were fairly realistic,” Sam supplied. “They weren’t perfect protagonists, but complex characters.”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, you could say that.”

“Is that why you read the book? Because the characters interested you?”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, what made you want to read _Poisonwood_ , specifically?”

Castiel sighed. He leaned back in his chair again, but this time it wasn’t because he was trying to disengage, to escape the conversation. Rather, it looked like he was trying to collect his thoughts and pool them into words. Sam regarded the angel curiously.

“There were two main reasons. The first was that I miss Africa. Before you ask, yes, I have indeed been in Africa. It’s been thousands of years, though. The Congo as Barbara Kingsolver presents it isn’t exactly like the Africa I remember; but some things never really change, no matter how much time has passed. Things like the intimacy between the people, the joyous celebrations of the Earth. Oftentimes, I’m unsure about the unspoken moral and social values that you and Dean seem to know so well. It was quite interesting, watching the Price family try to navigate a culture they had suddenly found themselves immersed in. I can see why you and Dean find yourself frustrated with me when I make social errors, now.

“The second reason was that I wanted answers from Nathan Price. He didn’t just remind me of my struggles with my father. With the extreme measures to which he took his Christian faith, he also reminded me of Heaven itself. I wanted to know…” Cas paused, looking down.

Sam, having been almost overwhelmed with what Cas had said so far, was grateful for the pause.

“I wanted to see someone so far gone change for the better,” Cas said softly, a faraway look in his eyes. “I wanted to see Heaven change for the better. He didn’t, though. Not even the death of his youngest child made him see reason. He clung to his ways until they led to his death.”

“Cas, Heaven’s been around for millions of years. You’ve tried getting the other angels to change their ways. Don’t you think that if something was going to happen, it would have happened by now?” Sam asked slowly, with a severe look in his misty eyes.

Castiel glared at the Winchester in response, but the look in his eyes held more pain than anger. “That’s a rather defeatist way of looking at it. I changed, even after millions of years of living one way. Heaven can too.”

Sam sighed softly, unable to keep the doubt out of his gaze. “That’s different. You never believed in the things Heaven did or the way they operated. You were always different.”

“I have to hope for the best, Sam. What other option is there? The continual slaughter of my siblings?”

Sam blinked at Castiel, taken aback by the casual brutality of his words.

“What?” Castiel asked tiredly. “Did you think all of the angels I’ve killed in your name meant nothing to me?”

“I-I don’t…” 

“They meant everything to me. More than I could ever describe. A large part of why I Fell from Heaven was, not only to save humanity, but to save my siblings from making this decision I was so sure they’d regret.”

Sam spoke around the lump in his throat. This conversation had gotten way more intense, way more personal than he had thought it would. “That’s because you’re a good person, doing the best that you can do.”

“Then why is my best never good enough?” Castiel asked dryly.

“Hey,” Sam said firmly, staring Castiel in the eyes until the angel met his gaze.“Maybe your best isn’t good enough for yourself. But it’s good enough for me. You care so much, Cas, and that’s not a bad thing. Me and Dean would be dead a million times over if it wasn’t for you; if that’s not enough, I don’t know what is.”

Cas looked away, straightening his tie and the lapels of his trench coat in silence. Sam decided not to press him for a response.

The two sat for a while, the only sounds between them being the rustle of fabric and breath. Sam could just barely hear a musical lilt filtering in from the halls; despite the faintness of it, Sam could recognize the sound of his brother singing as he, presumably, made hamburgers. Sam smiled at the noise, even if he couldn’t make out the lyrics of the song from his room. 

“Do you want to read it?” Cas looked up at Sam from under his eyelashes. 

“You’d be ok with that?” Sam had originally intended to read _Poisonwood_ , but somewhere during their conversation, Sam had realized doing so might seem… well, violating. Castiel had related to the novel in a way that the hunter didn’t yet understand. 

“I think I’d prefer it if you did,” the angel admitted. “Talking about the novel with you has been... lightening. It would be nice to discuss it after you have read it. Although I would understand if you didn't want to.”

“I’d love to read it,” Sam said. Then, a thought struck him. “Do you know what a book club is?”

Sam continued after Castiel nodded: “We could do that, if you wanted? Read books and discuss them together?”

A thoughtful expression crossed the angel’s face, and Sam was glad to see that Cas was considering it. “Can you have a club with only two members?” The angel asked.

“I don’t see why not.”

Castiel regarded Sam for a second, before his face broke out in a hesitant, but no less genuine, smile. “Then I would love to be in a book club with you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ((A/N. I don't own The Poisonwood Bible or Supernatural, obviously.  
> Thank you for reading, and feel free to comment and/or leave constructive criticism.


End file.
